Attachment Parenting

By now most of us are familiar with Time magazine's cover of a mom breastfeeding her toddler.  Many of you want to know my views on this.  Thank you for asking.  I remember bringing my babies home from the hospital to a tiny home on Long Island in N.Y.  I had the cradle set up right next to my side of the bed.  I breastfed my baby as long as I wanted to (which looking back was not long enough for me.)  My husband and I decided I would be a stay at home mom as long as I wanted to, and as long as it was financially possible. Although my babies slept in a crib right next to my bed, they never, ever slept in the same bed. ( I feel very strong about not letting your babies sleep in the same bed and so does the American Academy of Pediatrics.)  This worked for my family.  I never realized that my parenting style was  "attachment parenting".  I did what came natural to me and what I thought was the right thing.  Yes...I did have pressure from working moms, and I did feel like I should be doing more to financially help out.  I especially worried about not being able to get back in the work force when the time came.  When I thought the time was right, I WAS able to get back out there. On the flip side, many working moms feel very stressed when they leave to go to work. This was 30 something years ago.  Things are different now but some things are the same.  If you are a stay at home mom or a career mom, breast feed or bottle feed, stay with your baby 24-7 or need a break on a regular basis... it is OK.  Love your babies, love your partners, and feel good about yourselves.  This is a magical (yet exhausting) time in your life.  If you are doubtful about what you doing or just want to clear some things up, contact me.  I can help make your life easier.

When Do We Stop Worrying?

I remember when my children were little and there weren't enough hours in the day, and I was pretty sure that sleep was a fantasy.  I kept thinking that it will be much easier when they are in school.  Then much easier when they drive.  Then much easier when they graduate from college and have jobs and homes of their own.  WELL...when I look back and think of all the worring I did, and all the sleepless nights I had because of the "what ifs",  it makes me question when (and if) the worrying ever ends.  When you are a parent your life changes in so many wonderful ways.  Along with that beauty and wonder comes the fears.  So here is some advice from someone who was born worried:  Do not let the "what ifs" ruin the present moment.  Every life comes with joy and sorrow.  In my experience, the hardest thing to watch is the sorrow your child is going through. (And, yes, it is our job to let them work it out on their own.)  They will probably be hurt by other kids, not make the team or get the part in a play they want, be broken hearted by a boy or girl, not get into the school they had their heart set on, and let's not even get started on jobs/careers.  If these things didn't happen, how would they know the joy of success and true love when that happens?  So when do we stop worring?  I don't think we do.  By the time we figure out that worring is USELESS, the grandchildren come along and we start all over (I think).  I am not a grandparent yet and it's probably because I haven't figured out how to stop worring.  I am getting better though so maybe there is hope...yes of course there is...I hope.  Now I'm worried about it!!! Seriously, some worrying is OK but don't let the clouds of worry cover the bright sunshine of life.  If you are having a hard time with this issue, please contact me.  I would love to give you some great tools that will help.

Best Summer Yet

It is getting close to Summer vacation for our children.  I have heard from many parents that they are dreading it, and just as many that love it.  I thought it was interesting because both sides were very passionate about their feelings.   I can understand both.  Here are some things you can try if you want to have the best Summer yet with your children:  Plan activites that they enjoy.  There are many things you can do with them that do not cost a dime.  Biking, picnics, free concerts, day at the beach, library visits, to name a few.  If too many activities are what you are dealing with, ask them to pick one thing that they would be willing to give up. It's OK..just let it go.  If you plan activities with other children, try to pick friends that they actually like and get along with.  It's great if your children love your friend's children, but some times that is not the case.  Be sure to have some alone time (maybe you and another parent can alternate being responsible for play dates).  If you're a working mom, sit down with your babysitter and plan things out together.  Let your children be involved in the conversation.  When my children were school age, I made sure to have one day a week to spend with them exclusively in the Summer.  We just hung out and played, read books, went for ice cream, went to the pool or lake.  It forced me to take time to live in the moment.  It is these days that I treasure and remember.  Take the time to enjoy your Summer with your children...you all deserve to chill out and have fun.  Make it the best one yet!  If you have any concerns or questions about what the best thing is for your family this Summer, please contact me.

Empathy

I am blogging today with a sad heart.  I was listening to a story on my local news channel about a family who lost their middle school girl to suicide.  The child was being bullied and the parents were aware and doing all they could to help. Unfortunately, this is way too common a story.  The shockingly sad thing for me was the part where they showed how the girl was beaten by other girls her age and someone actually stood there and recorded it.  (Right now I am deciding if it is appropriate to use foul language in a blog...I won't, but I want to).   So... here is my question:  Are we teaching our children empathy?  In this competitive world that we live in, have we forgotten about how others feel?  Isn't our responsibility to make sure we at least TALK to our children about this?  Do we rely on teachers, clergy, grandprents, etc. to bring it up?  Bullying (to the extreme of causing someone to commit suicide)  is much more of a problem than it shoud be.  Most of us remember what it was like being bullied.  The boys terrorized the girls, the mean kids picked on the timid ones.  When I was in school the tough girls stabbed me with hat pins they stole from sewing class.  I think the difference may be that we didn't have the technology to give these acts such broad attention.  The more you feed this behavior, the more you get filled up with it.  Why do these mean children need this kind of attention?  Who is bullying the bully?  Here is a challenge...please talk to your children about this.  Make it a priority!  Maybe if all of us just take a few minutes out of our busy day to teach our children empathy we can actually do something positive to help stop bullying.  Let's make our kids think it's cool to  NOT be  a bully.

Mothers

Moms...are you parenting the same way that your mom did?  Whether you have/had the best mother in the world or swore that you would never do the hurtful things (to your children) that your mother did to you... our parenting methods are greatly influenced by our mothers.  Parenting changes over the generations.  In the 50's moms would say "wait until your father gets home".  The dad ruled!  The next generation was all about no spanking, and actually letting our children be heard.  Many mothers were going back to work and dads had to help out around the house.  Not an easy shift for them.  You don't need a history lesson, you know what I'm getting at.  Parenting changes through the generations.  We are always trying to improve.  We are not perfect, we don't have all the answers and we will make mistakes and be hurtful sometimes.  Our children will disappoint us, and we them.  My advice for moms...don't try to be perfect.  Don't try to do it all.  Don't get to the point of exhaustion trying to give your child EVERY opportunity out there. Give yourself  a well deserved break.  Because we are learning and applying new parenting methods, we are getting better and better.  Change is good.  One thing that never changes is that our mothers love us ...we love our children... and  we all do the best we can!  In memory of my mother, I would like to say how much I appreciated your example of a strong woman.  In memory of my mother-in-law, I would like to say how much I appreciated your devotion to our family.   Two wonderful, beautiful women who (by their example) influenced MY parenting.  Happy Mother's Day.

Loving Relationships with your Adult Children

 
It is very disturbing to me that more and more adults are deciding NOT to have a relationship with their parents.   The children of divorced parents many times blame one parent and decide they will never talk to them again.  The children of controlling parents (who can't accept that they need to make their own decisions without feeling guilty or worthless) come to the realizitation that nothing they do will be good enough so they stop trying to make the relationship work.  Then there are children who make life choices that their parents can't live with and the rejection makes them too angry and hurt to have them in their lives.  Some adult children feel that it's better to cut ties than continue to try just because they are family. These decisions come at a very, very high price.  The family unit is paramount to our well being (children and parents. )  Parents...there are a few things we can do to give us the best chance at a loving relationship with our adult child.  Take honest and sincere responsibility for your part of the problem.   Listen carefully to their side of the story.  Repeat what you heard if necessary.  Be patient!  Even if you are ready to mend the relationship, your child may not be, so hang in there and keep trying.  Vow to love your children unconditionally (even if you don't love what they do or who they do it with).  Stop the tapes in your head about being entitled to respect just because you are the parent.  Our children need us at every age...and we need them.  If you or anyone you know would benefit from individual coaching on this, please contact me.   

What do Mother's Want?

As a Parent Coach I hear from moms who just want to do the right, loving things for their family. They want to make sure they are doing everything to give their children the best life they possibly can.  I am blessed to be able to help so many wonderful parents.  With May being the month for us to celebrate mothers, I would like to address the needs and wants of mothers.  (Father's Day is in June so dads, you will not be forgotten).  What do you want from your children, husband, and your mother?  Do you even have time to think about it?  Well...think about it.  We all need to be seen, appreciated and cared for.  How do we get that message across without feeling selfish?  It's OK to be selfish.  If you tell your children that you would like some extra hugs and thank yous more often, think of how great they will feel when they give you that and make you smile.  If you want more compliments, attention,  help from your husband, ask him for it.  Maybe you just want to stay in bed a little later... let him know.  Do you need some questions answered from you mother?   Tell her how much it would mean to you to know the history of the family (or whatever you want to know).  Whatever it is you need, or would like, it's always good to let them know.  People who love you want to make you happy.   You are giving them a gift as well to let them do this for you.  Be sure to save some TLC for yourself while giving it so freely to your family.

Young mom...not so young mom

Received a question from a woman in her late thirties.  She was wondering about the pros and cons of having babies a little later in life.  WOW!  If  I had a clear, cut and dry answer I'd be famous.  So here are some of the facts with some personal thoughts thrown in:  Our bodies are ready to produce babies in our teens. Our minds are not!  Our brains are not completely developed in our teens.  In our twenties our bodies are good to go and our brains are (pretty much) developed.  In our 30s our brains are getting better and better and our bodies are still hanging in there for babies.  When we're in our 40s our bodies are slowing down in the baby producing area.  Our minds are probably better than ever.  So now you can see why it's a complicated question to answer.  I was a mother in my early 20s.  It was what you did in the 70s IF you were married.  Today women have more choices.  Think about your future and what is important to you.  Trust your gut!  Ask yourself the hard questions and then go for what you want.  There are risks at every age.  There is no PERFECT time to be a parent.  If you would like coaching on this, or any other parenting subject,  contact me...I will make it easier for you.

Sibling Rivalry

Sibling rivalry has been around since the beginning of time.  Children want to be noticed and heard and sometimes  (often) there is one child that makes the most noise and gets the most attention.  Also, it's pretty normal to favor one child over another at times.  The polite, smart, and pretty child is much easier than the struggling, loud, sloppy child who ignores you or gives you attitude.  There is very little we can do about how the rest of the world treats our children out there.  Life is not fair ... one child may very well be lucky and successful, and another can't seem to get a break.  It's our job as parents to make each child feel valued and loved for the special gifts they have.  Just as important, it's our job to teach them to value each other. Are you saying what you love about each other at family meetings (or any time) ?  Have you been encouraging and supportive?  Do you recognize and praise accomplishments? Are you teaching your children to be fair and compassionate by your example?  Brothers and sisters have a very special bond.  By teaching your children to love and value each other, you are paving the way for strong, loving relationships throughout the generations. They will take your example and teach their children, nieces, nephews, etc.  This is among the most important things we leave our children when we are gone...each other.    If you, or someone you know, is dealing with this issue, I can help give you peace in your home.  Contact me!

The Arts

Last weekend I was fortunate enough to go see a ballet performance with some members of my family.    It was rainy and cold outside and everyone was complaining about traffic and work  and the weather...typical stuff.  Of course, the mother in me wanted to get them perfect jobs and move them to a place where is's always warm and sunny and there is never traffic.   Since that's impossible (and I felt anxiety coming to visit as it sometimes does) I took a deep breath and had a glass of wine.  After dinner we walked across the street to the theatre, settled into our seats and were quietly waiting for the curtain to go up.  At this point I resigned myself to the fact that I cannot make things perfect for my children (and it shouldn't be...but that's another blog).  The performers came out, the story unfolded and I could feel the beauty and wonder and peace you only get from a LIVE performance.  I was thinking about what our lives would be like without "the arts".  I can't imagine human beings not having such a gift.  I enjoy a good baseball game and know how important sports are BUT please think about taking your children to a live performmance.   It's out there for all of us to enjoy.  Let's give creativity some much needed attention.  Enjoy! 

Are we Parenting by Example?

Had a great discusion at dinner last night with three generations...  parents,  a young woman in the business world,  and a teenager.  They were talking about what happens when children break rules (team rules, the law, etc.) and their parents defend them.  What messages are we sending our children by protecting them at all costs?  What messages are we sending them by justifying our behaviour and finding excuses for the rules we ourselves break.  We live in a world that sets murderers free and gives drunk drivers at least a second chance.  So... what does this say to the generation we are raising?  The best thing we can do for our children is live OUR lives as honest and compassionate as we can.  No one is perfect.  We all break the rules, make mistakes, and hurt others.  When we do, we apologize, try not to do it again, and pay the price.  If our children see this, they learn from it.  If your child gets in trouble, breaks a rule, hurts someone's feelings, etc., the best thing to do is talk to them about it.  Listen and ask questions.  Give them a consequence and tell them you believe that the action was bad but they are not.  We will not do our children any favors by defending them (if they were wrong).  We are preparing them for the real world where bosses and clients and law enforcers don't want excuses.

Teens and Personal Hygiene

I am so happy to be receiving all of your questions.  It's great to hear from so many fabulous parents.  My mission is to help parents (the hardest job in the world) have an easier more peaceful family life.  Please continue sending me questions and comments, and I'm more than happy to take your calls too.

So, what do you do if your teenage child (the question was about a girl) doesn't care about personal hygiene.  First of all, know that this is not THAT unusual.  Teenagers are so consumed with so many changes in their bodies that it can be overwhelming to them.   They go from sweet smelling children to hormonal teens.  It (like everything else) is a learning process.  It's could be a delicate subject to raise.  Mention that there are differences in the way you take care of your body when you get older. You could start the conversation by saying something like "you are becoming a lovely young woman now and since you're old enough, I was wondering if you'd like it if we went shopping for some nice smelling soaps, bath jells, lotions etc.  There are so many scents out there, you may want to pick out what YOU like. "   Praise her on her choice and comment on how nice she smells when she actually uses the products.  Give her time and have patience. 

Seperation Anxiety

 Are you dealing with a child who has seperation anxiety?  One of the questions I received was from a mom who has a son in second grade that gets panicky every time he leaves for school.  She said that he's afraid that something bad is going to happen to her while he's gone.  The best way to deal with this kind of anxiety is to be sure to LISTEN to his fears.  No matter how they sound to you...they are real to him.  Tell him about your plans for the day so he can have a picture in his mind of where you are at a certain time.  Reassure him that you will be very careful to be safe (lock doors, not talk to strangers, etc).  Act as comforting and as  brave as you can when you put him on the school bus.  If he feels that you are worried or anxious about him, it will not help.  When he comes home from school, tell how good your day was.  When children think their parents are unhappy ,for any reason, it's common for them to have some degree of anxiety.  If you would like some personal coaching on anxiety, please contact me any time.  Thank you again for your questions.

Homework Problems?

The weather has been exceptionally beautiful and everyone just wants to be outside enjoying.  The down side of an early Spring is trying to get your kids to do their homework.  If you're having a challenge with this, keep in mind that this is a normal,  natural reaction for children.   Since fresh air and play time is so healthy, maybe some adjustments can be made.  If your chld is normally a pretty good student, and does their homework without too much fuss,  homework time can easily be solved.  The family meeting  is a great time to discuss and change some rules about homework.  If your rule is for them to do their homework BEFORE any fun activities,  try switching that to letting them play outside for a while and then set aside time afterwards to do homework (when the sun goes down). Tell them you will agree to try this on a trial basis.  Let them know that you have faith in them to make this work.   It's good for your children to see that you can be flexible with the rules.  The seasons are a welcome change for most of us so why not go with it.  If you think the homework/classroom situation is more serious (or if you know someone who is having problems with this)  I can give you great suggestions for peace and success.  Contact me any time.

Two Movies Your Children May Want to See

This weekend the "The Hunger Games" and "Bully" are opening.  I'm sure most of you out there have heard of both movies.  I personally read all "The Hunger Games" and know some things about "Bully".  Both are violent, both are intense, both are thought provoking (to say the least) and both send a strong message.   You know your children...if they are not ready for movies like these two, follow your gut as to letting them go or not.  I hope that whatever decision you make about letting your children  see the movies, you will take some time to talk to them about their feelings about it.  It's a great time to let them ask you questions, for you to listen, and to tell them your feelings.  This can be a wonderful learning experience for both of you.  Have a fabulous weekend.  Remember, you can always call me if you have questions. 

Bed Time Driving you Crazy?I

Thank you for sending me your great questions.  I'm going to try to answer every one of them.  If it's one you want answered immediately, call me.   Question:  My 5 year old daughter  goes to bed ok but she insists on having a light on and the door open.  I read to her and sing a song of her choice but when it's time for me to leave she gets anxious.  She keeps calling for me and won't stop completely until the rest of the family goes to bed.  Her older brother and sister have later bed times. What can I do to help her sleep better?  Answer:  Take some one on one time with your daughter when it's NOT bed time to explain that when her brother and sister were her age that was their bed time too.  You can talk about the benefits of sleep for someone her age.  Rehearse the bed time ritual during the day and make it fun.   Go shop together for a night light...let her pick it out.  A room light is probably too much for her to sleep.  Ask the rest of the family if they would be polite enough to keep the noise down.  If you are having family meetings, encourage her to talk about it then.  During this process, whatever progress she is making (if she calls you ten times regularly and went down to 8 times) praise her for her effort.  If you have questions along the way, don't hesitate to call.

Are You being Fair?

  Are you really being fair to your children?  If you have a child that is special in any way (gifted, troubled, bad health, etc.)  it's natural to give that child more attention than other children in the family.  There are times when every child has a reason to be in the limelight...  I'm talking about the child that is consistently there.  All children need attention...even the quiet strong ones.  By recognizing that you may have one child who is getting all the attention (positive or negative) you are taking the first step towards making the situation better for everyone in your family.  Spending one on one time with each of the other children is a really great practice. Do something that your child likes (bike ride, play ground, coloring, etc.).  Use the time with your child to answer any questions he may have about the sibling getting all the attention.  He or she may be worried, jealous, resentful or just confused.  Try to clear things up while keeping the conversation age appropriate.  If they are acting out in a negative way,  it's for your attention.  See and tell them what they are doing RIGHT.  There is a bonus that comes with one on one time...you, as a parent , will get to spend some quality time making  your child feel very special.    

Your Brain on Stress

Running around from one activity to another?  Filling every moment of your day with something that seems like a great opportunity for your children?  Not making any time for just sitting and being quiet and in the moment?  All of this (not to mention what life naturally brings) causes stress.  You may not realize  that stress eats away at your brain.  There is good stress, the kind that  releases cortisol.  That aids you when you or your child is in danger.  For example if you see your child running  towards an on coming truck in the road ...cortisol kicks in and gets you there like a super hero.  So how  do we parent effectively when we live with so much bad stress?  Well, the truth is we don't.  What we need to do is SLOW down.  There is a place for sports and activities but not if it's causing you and your family bad stess.  We as parents need all the brain cells we can get.  If you want to be less stressed and have  more peace in your home, contact me ... I will give you some custom made solutions for your family.

Coping With Loss and Tragedy

Two days ago I suffered the loss of my mother.  My children are grown and are a great comfort to me at this time.  Between the shock and the arrangements, I am completely drained.  If I had young children, I don't know where I would get the strength needed to comfort them.  When we are going through loss (death, divorce, illness, homes, jobs, etc.) we may think that our children can put their needs on hold until we feel better.  They actually need you more at this time.  They are feeling the loss too and probably worried and scared.  Take some time out from the grief to just BE with your children.  If they are old enough, explain that grief is a slow process.  Try to keep a normal routine as much as possible.  Compassion, empathy and humor are three things you need to give to each other.  Try to be as positive about life when answering the WHYS.  Kids can't wait for your time, they need it now.  By setting a good example of how you handle your grief, your children will find the strength to handle their own later on in life.   Please let me know if you could use some help with parenting your children through loss and tragedy.

Anxiety and Depression

Very often anxiety and depression go hand in hand.  There are many children in our country suffering from this.  Some signs of depression in children are:  loss or increased appetite, disinterest in activities usually enjoyed, changes in sleep patterns.   Anxiety comes from fear of something that COULD happen...something that is not a real threat.  As parents, wanting to see our children happy and energetic,  can we help?  Absolutely!  It's important is to know that this is a physiological response.  Your child is not behaving different just to drive you crazy.  More than ever, the child needs for you to understand how he or she is feeling.    It may be hard for them to verbalize so patient listening  is the key.  Encourage the child to take his or her time while trying to explain how they are feeling.  Read my blog on emotional support... you can use it as a guide.  Remember we (as parents) CAN change the neural pathways in our childs brain.  Decide that you will make this different for your child.  I would be honored to answer any questions or concerns you have on this subject.
Happy Parenting

Mean Kids

Hi Parents...We hear so much about children being bullied.  Some children are so scared they get sick just thinking about what they have to face when they go to school.  Bullying has been around for many generations. If you've talked to your child about things they can try to stop this on their own and it still continues, here are some things that may help.    Most of the time this can be resolved by talking to the childs teacher.  I would think that he or she  has some way of resolving this without making your child more of a target.   You could also try talking with the parents of these children.  Many times these parents are horrified that their child would act this way.  You could also gently confront the children yourself and ask them to stop.  If you are a parent of a child who is doing the bullying, make time to have a conversation about why they do that. Ask him/her how they think the other child feels when they are mean.  Listen...let him know you don't approve of the behaviour but you know he/she is a good child and you trust that from now on they will be kinder.  If you have questions about how you  can help your child handle bullies, or how to talk to your child about not bullying, please contact me.  I would love to help.
Happy Parenting

Everybody's a Winner

Hi Parents...I hear a lot of chatter from parent's about children who participate in competitive activities getting trophies, ribbons, etc. even if they' re not the winner.  I find that parents are divided into two groups.  Some think everyone should be rewarded no matter how well they performed.  Some think it's silly to reward your child for just showing up.  I have to say that in my opinion this is not as black and white as that. I think when your child is learning an activity it's important to see and acknowledge the effort they are putting into it. That's a reward in itself.   When a child is old enough to compete in a specific activity, that's when they have to realize there is only one winner and one prize.  It's not easy to see your child loose but it's part of growing up.  Look at it as training for the real world.  It's competitive out there!   When children grow up and compete for jobs, there is no trophy for almost getting the job.  When your child doesn't come in first, look at it as a learning experience.  Give them permission to feel bad.  Ask them questions like "do you think you need more practice...is a different technique worth a try?"  Be on their side and show compassion but don't give praise and say things like "you got robbed".  Children are smart...they see right through that.  So maybe everyone on the team doesn't get the trophy but your child gets the gift of a strong parent who by his side.  If you have any opinions or comments, contact me...I'd love to hear from you,
Happy Parenting

Food (not so) Glorious Food

Hi Parents...There are many reasons why your child may not want to eat.  It's pretty scary for a parent...you probably think you are starving the poor child if you don't get some food down him/her.  Well, forcing your child to eat is NOT the way to go.  Rather than force your child to eat, encouraging him/her to try new foods works much better.  Try planning the meals yourself without asking for suggestions from the child.  Serve foods they like and new foods for them to try.  They may just look at the new food.  After a while you can encourage them to smell it, and maybe taste it.  If the child does try (even if they still won't eat it) praise him/her for trying.  Cutting back on snacking also helps.  It's better to serve meals and snacks at specific times so that your child will know when to expect it.  Be sensitive to your child's tastes.  There are usually very good reasons why he/she does not want certain foods.  Probably it's not because they are just being difficult.  You are not giving into them by gently encouraging rather than forcing.  Listen to your gut as a parent...if you think your child needs professional help with this, go for it. Time and understanding will lead to more enjoyable meals for the whole family.  Contact me if you want to know more about picky eaters and how to help them.

Emotional Support

Hi Parents
There is nothing more comforting than having the support of loved ones.  Teenagers, when asked,  said the one thing they wished their parents would do more of  is JUST LISTEN to them.  Listening is a great way to show your support.  It's not that easy!   As parents, we tend to judge and try to fix the problem.   Allowing our children to figure it out on their own is the best way for them to learn and grow to be strong and confident.  So, how do we as parents get our children to actually talk to us...and then just listen? Here are some helpful hints:  DOS: Focused attention, compassion, soft eyes,  sharing similar experiences,  communicating your faith in them, mirroring their emotions.  DON'TS:  Advice giving, disdain, criticism, flat affect, fault finding, showing irritation, mocking their feelings.  Children who need emotional support don't always ask.  As parents we need to know when the time is right to give it freely.  If you or anyone you know would like to hear more about the benefits of emotional support,  please contact me @ParentZing.com
Happy Parenting

Making the Most of Your Time

Hi Parents, I'm sure you've heard the expression "time is money".  Well, I believe that time is one of the most valuable things we give to our children.  More valuable than money.  Our society has taught us that giving our children as many opportunities as possible makes us good parents.  The more clubs, lessons,  groups, etc. that we can fit into a day, the better off  your child will be.  If we keep our child busy with something they are interested in,  they will stay out of trouble and be a successful adult.  All of the above is good - in moderation.  If your child is tired, he/she will be cranky and probably misbehave.  If your child is not happy with a certan activity and is pushed to continue to keep trying, their confidence may be compromised.  I think our society puts pressure on parents to try to give their children too many opportunities.  If you want to give your child the most valuable thing you can and invest in their future, YOUR time with them and THEIR time alone is the most valuable thing you can give them.  I am not suggesting to leave them alone without supervision, just give them (age appropriate) time to do something they choose.  If you have a few children, spending time with one child at a time makes them feel special.  Time may be money but you don't need a dime to make your child feel like a million bucks...just some time.
Happy Parenting

Showing Love on Valentine's Day

Hi Parents...Happy Valentine's Day.  What a perfect time to talk about how much love there is in your family and what you love about each other.  Children feel  happy and secure when they see their parents showing each other love.   Treating each other with love, respect, and appreciation is one of the best ways to get your child to grow up to be a loving, respectful adult.  Children are always watching and listening to how you treat others.  You're their most powerful teacher!  So this Valentine's day, have some good chocolate, smell some beautiful flowers and have fun.  Show each other tons of love.!  Happy Parenting 

What Do I Do with My Teenager?

Hi Parents...
I've been getting questions from parents of teenagers wanting to know if the things I've been blogging about work for an older child.  Present moment parenting, seeing and growing successes in your child, the family meeting where you list values and rules, etc. work beautifully for a teenager.  All children (especially teenagers) are constantly testing their parents.  When you start applying the above techniques, they will most likely think that it will be a short lived experiment.  They will keep testing you until they are satisfied that you mean what you say.  So be consistant!  Some children may feel uncomfortable when you start seeing successes...soon they will know it's genuine and they will love it.  You may get opposition when you suggest a family meeting...they'll soon look forward to it.  Teenagers have a lot of hard things they are dealing with.  Knowing that they belong to a loving family (who they can talk to ) is a hugh comfort to them.  If you have any questions or concerns about your child please let me know how I can help.
Happy Parenting

Taking a Break

Hi Parents...
Just wondering if you ever use breaks for your child.  Taking a break can work wonders.  If you already have a list of family rules, and someone breaks one of them, this is where a break comes in.  If you don't have a list of rules, the family meeting is the place to create that list.  Everyone gets to help make them but remember the parents run the show and get the final say.  So, break a rule...take a break.  A break is 30 seconds after the child is calm and quiet.  Using breaks in place of warnings, negotiations, and reiteration of the broken rule really works.  It may take a few tries to get it to go smoothly (like anything new) so hang in there.  After the break is over  say thank you and redirect your child to other things. If you want to know more about it, let me know.  As always, I look forward to your questions and comments.
Happy Parenting

The Family Meeting

Hi Parents...
I know what you're thinking!  Family meeting?  With our schedules how are we possibly going to make time for a family meeting?  It's a fact that all successful corporations, sports teams, clubs, etc. have meetings regularly.  It's part of what makes them function and be successful.  Yesterday a friend of mine told me that she actually called a meeting with her husband and adult child (living at home).  At first the husband and son thought she was kidding and when she convinced them to try they acted like they were in pain.  Here's what they did.  They each took a turn saying what they love about the family and then each individual had their turn to speak.  They spoke about what was annoying them and what they would like to see change.  Everyone got a chance to speak (without interruption) as long as they needed to.  The reason I know about this meeting is that my friend was so excited about the way it went she couldn't wait to call to tell me her good news, and say thank you for the suggestion.  I hope you will be the one to suggest this to your family.  You may get some funny looks too but it's worth it.  Get everyone to agree on a time, let everyone say what they love about the family, give everyone their time to speak, and you're on your way.  I can give you more details and tips for a successful family meeting if you would like.  Let me know how it goes.  I'd love to hear about your family's experience.
Happy Parenting.

Family Values

Hi Parents
Have you thought about what your family values are?  It's a simple question that takes some thinking about.  When the question was  posed to me I had to really think about it.  I know what they are, of course, I just had a hard time listing them.  And why should I have to, I live them ( at least I try).  The thing is, it's really important to identify and talk to your children about your family values.  Sometimes as adults we just expect children to know what's right or wrong.  We can't expect good behavior... we have to grow it.  Having the family values discussion will clear up some grey areas for them and it will make it much easier for you to pick your battles.  Is it higher on your list for your child to have a clean room or to be nice to a friend in need?  Let them know!

Please send me your questions and/or comments.  If you or someone you know would benefit from a Parent Coach, let me know.  Happy parenting. 

Creating Successes

Hi Parents...How is it going with seeing successes?  Want to create some more?  Here are some tips I can share with you.  Let your child help with grown up chores around the house.  Children love to dust, sweep, shine glass table tops.  Encourage him/her to  do something that's an interest or hobby.  See the beauty in it even if it's not YOUR thing.  Ask for advice...what should we have for a snack after dinner?  Should we read or watch TV for a little while.  What story?  What show?  Any of  these things (age appropriate, of course) will create successes that you will notice.  Also, you will be nurturing their hearts and minds and growing all sorts of GOOD BEHAVIOR. 
Happy Parenting!

Why Punishment Doesn't Work

Hi Parents...Is punishing your child working?  Are you ready to pull your hair out sometimes?  Do you wish you just knew what in the world to do with this child?  Well, I can definitely help you with that, probably get you some positive results in a short amount of time too.  Here is something to think about.  The reason punishing doesn't work is pretty simple.  Punishment has three results (not pretty).  1.  It stops the behaviour -TEMPORARILY,  2.  The child has a strong need to retaliate (and in his own way he will),  3.  Fear!  In my opinion this is the most harmful.  So, what DO you do?  You grow good behavior by seeing successes before the infraction.  It's a different way of parenting, and our parents would be very confused to say the least, but I am encouraging you to try.  Send me your feedback.
Happy Parenting

Why Punishment Doesn,t Work

Hi Parents...Are you trying to get you child to behave properly by punishing him or her?  Is it working?

Seeing Successes in Your Child

Hi Parents...How do you feel when your boss, friends, kids, family members and others significant people in your life give you a sincere compliment?  I hope really good!!  Maybe uncomfortable?   There are several reasons that adults may be uncomfortable with compliments.  Young children who have parents who see successes in them  not only take a compliment well, but they get all sorts of health benefits also.  When you see successes, you actually strengthen your childs heart and brain.  How healthy does that sound?! No child is perfect and we certainly don't want to give insincere praise...(they're smart enough to see through that) but every child has successes that can be acknowledged.  If you're willing to experiment, compliment all the things they do well for a while.  See what happens!
Happy Parenting, Isabel

Present Moment Parenting

Hi Parents... I'd like to say a few things about parenting in the present moment.  We as Americans are  very future oriented.  It's hard for us to think and live in the present.  However, the present is all we really have.  I recently talked to a mom who has a child with a terminal illness.  This mom said she doesn't have the luxury of a future with her child so she will make every moment she has count.  She said living in the present and not worrying about the future is her peace during this hard time. Most of us are so fortunate to be able to imagine our children in the future and we try to make it the very best life we can for them.  What do you think YOUR family life would be like if you parent in the present moment?  Can you let go of tomorrow and see the successes in your children right now? Try it, you will be giving yourself and your family a wonderful gift and hopefully it will become a way of life!
Happy Parenting

Welcome Parents

This is the first day of my first blog and I am very excited about it.   I am very devoted to my love for Parent Coaching and I hope to reach parents who will benefit from what I have to say.  You can read the section in my website that's titled "about Isabel"  if you want to learn more about me.  I'm a mom and I think moms have more power than they think to change the world.  That's right...moms can change our world.  So can dads!  Parents, you are doing the most important job ever.  People in every profession are benefitting from Coaches.  Imagine sports teams, actors, debate teams, etc. without them.  Imagine how fabulous your life would be with your very own Parent Coach to help you through the trying times, the doubts, the fine lines, the challenges you face every day.  So, here I am...your very own Parent Coach.  My hope is that you will be a follower of my blog and reading it makes  parenting more joyful and maybe clear up some questions or doubts you may have.  Please look over my website and send me questions!!!!!  Happy Parenting